The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 10
Friday January 29, 2010
Song of the week: Use Somebody by Kings of Leon
Pre-game:
Andrew wasn’t too thrilled to learn I used his stuff last week under my gear. He was even less thrilled to learn I was using his actual clothes and not his sports gear. The only argument I had was that the top and bottom were long and I wore them under my gear. Voila, long underwear.
Buzz is all ready to go today. My son fixed him up last night. We decided to make Buzz a little longer than Woody because I was having a hard time connecting to the puck with Woody. Buzz is red so I hope this will put me on the red team legitimately. It will also be nice to get a few black puck marks on my blade. I have never connected to the puck with Woody so the tape I put on in October still looks new. The only damage to the original tape job would be the handle. I seem to grip the stick too tightly and in the wrong spot. Apparently you’re not supposed to hold your stick in a death grip and the proper position is to have the end of your stick in the centre of your palm. But that feels like I’m going to lose it. I always end up holding the stick about a hands length from the top. It goes without saying holding the stick that far down puts a player in an awkward position.
I’m not sure but I have a suspicion we might be getting the pink jerseys today. Between the emails and the bench conversation it could happen any time. It’s not just that having pink jerseys is such a cliché for a ladies team and it’s not that the colour will clash with Buzz. The thing that scares me most about getting the jerseys is it will be harder to avoid a scrimmage with another team. Not many want to acknowledge that some of us can’t skate, the majority can’t skate with their heads up, none of us understand off side, our goalies can’t pick themselves up on their own, some of us freeze and shut our eyes when another player approaches and none of us can stop. The day we scrimmage will be a very scary day.
Last week I left my skates with coach to sharpen. I’m hoping it will make a difference in my performance today. But, I’m secretly hoping he’ll forget them.
Post- game:
So the Terrier was in fine form this afternoon. The Terrier is a repeat beginner and it all started in the dressing room when she put her socks on before she put on her knee pads. She didn’t realize until she had most of her gear on and the knee pads were still in her bag. Let’s just say it went downhill from there.
In drills we practiced dropping to one knee and picking ourselves back up all while moving forward. Then we progressed to skating forward and dropping onto both knees (good thing the Terrier put her pads on after all). It’s hard to drop to your knees and come back up again; I end up doing a 360 before I slow down enough to pick myself back up using my stick for leverage(which I am not suppose to do). Also, I spend a lot of energy trying not to fall and here we are doing drills for it. We practiced our stops again. The Terrier does a pretty good stop on one side and goes out of her way not to have to try on the other side. Once when she tried to stop she slowed down then did this stutter step using both feet, she called it her River Dance move. We did a stopping drill using our sticks for direction. The Terrier ended up confusing the coach so badly he said she didn’t have to do the drill. It just wasn’t her day.
I was traded from the red team today. Being on the red team one week does not mean you make the cut the following week. Sarge makes the decisions. I wasn’t even traded for a bag of pucks. I was traded for THE TERRIER! I think the Terrier is paying people off.
The score today was a tie 0 - 0. There was only one significant crash. Two players who couldn’t stop knocked each other down. One typically lands on the other. It’s Murphy’s Law that the smaller girl always lands under the larger one. It usually takes a few minutes for the two to get up because they have to sit there for a good 10 seconds apologizing to each other and making sure the other is okay before they untangle themselves. I’m not exaggerating when I say...untangle
No jerseys arrived today so the scrimmage will be delayed for at least another 2 weeks
Thoughts:
1. I can’t believe I have two more months of this. I am so looking forward to the post season. Like all great hockey players past and present I plan on taking up post season golf so I don’t injure myself for next year.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Chapter 9
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 9
Friday, January 22, 2010
Song of the week: You Get the Glory by Kathleen Edwards, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m69S1dfrak
Pre-game:
It is with sadness I have to report the Terrier and I ski as well as we skate. Both of us made a valiant attempt to keep up with the skiers but the condo and all the sofa had to offer was a better fit for us. However, if potato chip eating were a sport the Little Scottish Terrier would be a frequent Sports Illustrated cover athlete.
From the emails I have been getting from “The Manager” (who will from this date forward be referred to as “Sarge”) it looks like we are moving along with the pink jerseys as well as our team and rookie pictures. I don’t recall being asked to participate in the photo shoot or signing a release allowing the photo to hang in the store of our sponsor. None of this was mentioned as a possibility when I was asked to join the team. I don’t know where or when but I know that picture is going to come back to haunt me. It will be similar to what happened to the Terrier when her son found an old photo of her as a teenager hanging on the wall of our local rec. centre of her receiving her “Miss Fairvale” crown.
Some have suggested the coach’s interest in my marital status last week might have been a little flirtation. Not so I say. Without protesting too much, it’s not possible. This man has never seen me out of this second hand, miss matched stinking hockey gear. Not to mention I have no skill. I hug the boards and I ankle skate. The icing on the cake is the constant dribble of snot running down my face which I can’t do anything about because of the bloody cage on my helmet - this is not attractive by any standards. His attention was plain and simple pity.
I still have not sized Buzz. I must be attached to Woody even though he’s too small, not very mighty and never gets the job done. It should be my goal to have Buzz ready for next week. I also have to remember to bring my own tape. I ran out a couple of weeks before Christmas and I have been mooching ever since. Most girls don’t use it because they have jills that hold up their socks but as you are aware I have just been taping the socks to my legs.
Post-game:
I couldn’t find my long underwear I use for hockey and I didn’t want to permanently stink up a pair of my good ones so I ended up grabbing a set of Andrew’s to use. I’m hoping he won’t notice the new aroma of his stuff.
When I bought my stick I also bought several rolls of tape. I hung the bag in the closet. It appears my son has raided my stash. The bag was where I left it, with the receipt and the 25 cents of Canadian Tire money but the only evidence of tape was the plastic wrapping. Being late for practice, as usually, I looked around the mudroom for tape replacement. I ended up grabbing a roll of red electrical tape. Guess what? Electrical tape doesn’t stick to hockey socks or long underwear! No one seemed to care about my situation so I stuffed my socks in my knee pads and hoped for the best.
We now have two goalies. Neither one of them is qualified. At this age most of us have a difficult time with quick, awkward movements. Add the bulk of goalie gear and the end result is a net minder who goes for the puck, misses then lands belly up on the ice. The entertainment factor comes when she can’t get herself up. We don’t stop play to help her because none of us are trained. So, looking like a slug about to pop she has to wait for the coach to flip her and help her to her feet.
For one drill coach had us try to skate in big c-cuts up and down the ice while holding our stick in both hands like holding a tray just like Ovechkin does. RIGHT.
After drills “The Serge” has us divide into our jersey colours. Reds,whites, blues and blacks. After taking stock she divides us up. Reds and blacks as one team. Whites and blues the other. Poor little Terrier stuck on the white team. I on the other had have made it at long last to the red team. This is going to be good.
Gerrrrr. It can’t be. Blast it. The white team gets the first two goals. The Terrier has taken a defence position never leaving her end, but she revels in each goal like she made an assist. I was on the ice for both goals. Being -2 I decided to take up left bench again. As I was getting off, my replacement asked what position I was playing. I told her I was playing the position of running into and hanging off of the opposing players. Good luck. At 3–0, The Terrier skates by my bench taunting me, suggesting the red team’s winning streak was really about her. By the last whistle whites and blues were 4, reds and blacks 2.
I got the last laugh though. I suggested to coach that last goal wins. He agreed so..Red team wins again!!!!
Thoughts:
1. I need to get thin gloves to wear under my hockey gloves. Some players come off the ice in a sweat from the exertions. I don’t generate any heat from standing still or picking myself off the ice. It will also mean my hands wont smell like gross gear for the rest on the day. It takes about 24 hours for it to fade even with repeat washing.
2. Andrew’s stuff doesn’t smell too bad.
Cheers
The Pylon
Chapter 9
Friday, January 22, 2010
Song of the week: You Get the Glory by Kathleen Edwards, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m69S1dfrak
Pre-game:
It is with sadness I have to report the Terrier and I ski as well as we skate. Both of us made a valiant attempt to keep up with the skiers but the condo and all the sofa had to offer was a better fit for us. However, if potato chip eating were a sport the Little Scottish Terrier would be a frequent Sports Illustrated cover athlete.
From the emails I have been getting from “The Manager” (who will from this date forward be referred to as “Sarge”) it looks like we are moving along with the pink jerseys as well as our team and rookie pictures. I don’t recall being asked to participate in the photo shoot or signing a release allowing the photo to hang in the store of our sponsor. None of this was mentioned as a possibility when I was asked to join the team. I don’t know where or when but I know that picture is going to come back to haunt me. It will be similar to what happened to the Terrier when her son found an old photo of her as a teenager hanging on the wall of our local rec. centre of her receiving her “Miss Fairvale” crown.
Some have suggested the coach’s interest in my marital status last week might have been a little flirtation. Not so I say. Without protesting too much, it’s not possible. This man has never seen me out of this second hand, miss matched stinking hockey gear. Not to mention I have no skill. I hug the boards and I ankle skate. The icing on the cake is the constant dribble of snot running down my face which I can’t do anything about because of the bloody cage on my helmet - this is not attractive by any standards. His attention was plain and simple pity.
I still have not sized Buzz. I must be attached to Woody even though he’s too small, not very mighty and never gets the job done. It should be my goal to have Buzz ready for next week. I also have to remember to bring my own tape. I ran out a couple of weeks before Christmas and I have been mooching ever since. Most girls don’t use it because they have jills that hold up their socks but as you are aware I have just been taping the socks to my legs.
Post-game:
I couldn’t find my long underwear I use for hockey and I didn’t want to permanently stink up a pair of my good ones so I ended up grabbing a set of Andrew’s to use. I’m hoping he won’t notice the new aroma of his stuff.
When I bought my stick I also bought several rolls of tape. I hung the bag in the closet. It appears my son has raided my stash. The bag was where I left it, with the receipt and the 25 cents of Canadian Tire money but the only evidence of tape was the plastic wrapping. Being late for practice, as usually, I looked around the mudroom for tape replacement. I ended up grabbing a roll of red electrical tape. Guess what? Electrical tape doesn’t stick to hockey socks or long underwear! No one seemed to care about my situation so I stuffed my socks in my knee pads and hoped for the best.
We now have two goalies. Neither one of them is qualified. At this age most of us have a difficult time with quick, awkward movements. Add the bulk of goalie gear and the end result is a net minder who goes for the puck, misses then lands belly up on the ice. The entertainment factor comes when she can’t get herself up. We don’t stop play to help her because none of us are trained. So, looking like a slug about to pop she has to wait for the coach to flip her and help her to her feet.
For one drill coach had us try to skate in big c-cuts up and down the ice while holding our stick in both hands like holding a tray just like Ovechkin does. RIGHT.
After drills “The Serge” has us divide into our jersey colours. Reds,whites, blues and blacks. After taking stock she divides us up. Reds and blacks as one team. Whites and blues the other. Poor little Terrier stuck on the white team. I on the other had have made it at long last to the red team. This is going to be good.
Gerrrrr. It can’t be. Blast it. The white team gets the first two goals. The Terrier has taken a defence position never leaving her end, but she revels in each goal like she made an assist. I was on the ice for both goals. Being -2 I decided to take up left bench again. As I was getting off, my replacement asked what position I was playing. I told her I was playing the position of running into and hanging off of the opposing players. Good luck. At 3–0, The Terrier skates by my bench taunting me, suggesting the red team’s winning streak was really about her. By the last whistle whites and blues were 4, reds and blacks 2.
I got the last laugh though. I suggested to coach that last goal wins. He agreed so..Red team wins again!!!!
Thoughts:
1. I need to get thin gloves to wear under my hockey gloves. Some players come off the ice in a sweat from the exertions. I don’t generate any heat from standing still or picking myself off the ice. It will also mean my hands wont smell like gross gear for the rest on the day. It takes about 24 hours for it to fade even with repeat washing.
2. Andrew’s stuff doesn’t smell too bad.
Cheers
The Pylon
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Chapter 8
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 8
Friday, January 15, 2010
Song of the week: Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith
Pre-game:
My New Year’s resolution is to step away from the boards. I have given myself until March 26th (our last day).
I didn’t get around to sizing and taping Buzz, so I will have to settle for Woody this one last time. I have managed to safety pin my new name band to my jersey. I don’t sew. (This is probably something I should have mentioned to Andrew before he married me). I also did not get my skates sharpened which might be a problem. Actually, I have no idea when I need a sharpening or what difference it will make. I have asked my little hockey player and he said “you know you need a sharpening when you have trouble stopping and you can’t find your edge”. If I go on that advice I will have to get a sharpening every Friday!
Post-Game:
Well it was fun to be re-acquainted with the ice. The feel and the taste of it. I had forgotten how it tasted when you did a face plant and little ice chips landed in your nose and mouth and how it felt on my wrist, elbow and shoulder as you landed on it. How it has no give. In two weeks I had forgotten how to fall. I was quite the pro before Christmas, but I guess I needed more time under my belt to maintain the skill. Instead of a stick for Christmas I should have asked for one of those skate chairs little kids use to hold themselves up.
When I got on the ice coach came over, seeing I had a new name band he asked me if I got a divorce over the holiday. NICE HUH? I told him my family said I was to use my maiden name until I could skate backwards. Sad that my family had disowned me so causally, he tried right there to teach me to skate backwards...he lasted about a minute and felt my family had a point.
Drills today were mostly review, T-pushes, stick handling, skating forward, gathering speed then turning to skate backwards with and without a puck. Half way through this particular drill, as I picking myself off the ice, I noticed my son plus a few friends were enjoying themselves at my expense. Not only was he having a belly laugh but the little rug rat was taking video. I’d share it with you but it actually looks like a still photo. The only way you can tell it is a video is by the other players moving around me. I can’t wait until March 26th.
There’s nothing interesting to report about the scrimmage by now you know how it ends. RED TEAM WINS AGAIN.
Thoughts:
1. The Little Terrier didn’t make it today. She’s still on the sofa sleeping off Christmas I guess.
2. I’ve noticed I have started scheduling things dangerously close to my hockey time. At first I thought this was an accidental occurrence but I think there is more to it.
3. I am constantly looking for activities to do with the Little Scottish Terrier which I might be better skilled. So I have invited her to go skiing with me this weekend in Sugarloaf. It should be good for a few laughs since the last time she went skiing she broke her A@#!! Tee Hee.
Cheers!
The Pylon
Chapter 8
Friday, January 15, 2010
Song of the week: Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith
Pre-game:
My New Year’s resolution is to step away from the boards. I have given myself until March 26th (our last day).
I didn’t get around to sizing and taping Buzz, so I will have to settle for Woody this one last time. I have managed to safety pin my new name band to my jersey. I don’t sew. (This is probably something I should have mentioned to Andrew before he married me). I also did not get my skates sharpened which might be a problem. Actually, I have no idea when I need a sharpening or what difference it will make. I have asked my little hockey player and he said “you know you need a sharpening when you have trouble stopping and you can’t find your edge”. If I go on that advice I will have to get a sharpening every Friday!
Post-Game:
Well it was fun to be re-acquainted with the ice. The feel and the taste of it. I had forgotten how it tasted when you did a face plant and little ice chips landed in your nose and mouth and how it felt on my wrist, elbow and shoulder as you landed on it. How it has no give. In two weeks I had forgotten how to fall. I was quite the pro before Christmas, but I guess I needed more time under my belt to maintain the skill. Instead of a stick for Christmas I should have asked for one of those skate chairs little kids use to hold themselves up.
When I got on the ice coach came over, seeing I had a new name band he asked me if I got a divorce over the holiday. NICE HUH? I told him my family said I was to use my maiden name until I could skate backwards. Sad that my family had disowned me so causally, he tried right there to teach me to skate backwards...he lasted about a minute and felt my family had a point.
Drills today were mostly review, T-pushes, stick handling, skating forward, gathering speed then turning to skate backwards with and without a puck. Half way through this particular drill, as I picking myself off the ice, I noticed my son plus a few friends were enjoying themselves at my expense. Not only was he having a belly laugh but the little rug rat was taking video. I’d share it with you but it actually looks like a still photo. The only way you can tell it is a video is by the other players moving around me. I can’t wait until March 26th.
There’s nothing interesting to report about the scrimmage by now you know how it ends. RED TEAM WINS AGAIN.
Thoughts:
1. The Little Terrier didn’t make it today. She’s still on the sofa sleeping off Christmas I guess.
2. I’ve noticed I have started scheduling things dangerously close to my hockey time. At first I thought this was an accidental occurrence but I think there is more to it.
3. I am constantly looking for activities to do with the Little Scottish Terrier which I might be better skilled. So I have invited her to go skiing with me this weekend in Sugarloaf. It should be good for a few laughs since the last time she went skiing she broke her A@#!! Tee Hee.
Cheers!
The Pylon
Friday, January 8, 2010
Chapter 7
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 7
Friday January 8, 2010
Song of the week: Hit Me with Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar
Pre-game:
Ugg, I am back on the oatmeal and all natural plan yogurt. This is what happens when you partake in all the bacchanalia the season has to offer. When I look in the mirror, that is only big enough to reflect my head and shoulders, I can honestly say my waistline does not seem to have suffered from my reckless eating habits over the past two weeks. The thing I miss the most is the steady stream of refined sugar coursing through the veins. I get to 3pm and I need a nap and caffeine is not helping with the withdrawal.
I didn’t don the skates once over the holidays. I dropped my son off every day for free skate and drove off, back to the sofa and my box of fudge. Feeling safe and content knowing I was not going to terrorize myself on this particular day.
Well, Santa bought me a new high tech composite hockey stick. Since it is a new and improved version of Woody I have decided to call the stick Buzz Light Year. Buzz for short. He is lighter and sticky so if I can’t hold on to the puck at least I can hold on to the stick. Hayley Wickenheiser look out! Also, a friend and reader (Sue and Ted) who were equally concerned about me sullying the family name gave me a new name band with my maiden name for my jersey. Still no jill.
As mentioned in chapter 6, when the river freezes,” The Manager” will make her husband clear a space on the river for a rink. January 1 there he was scrapping and clearing while the Terrier watched from her kitchen window drinking her coffee. The neighbourhood joke about the river rink is whenever he clears the rink the next day there will be a snow storm. Even if he leaves it for weeks and then gets to it on his free time the next day there is a storm. ALWAYS!
It is a widely held view that Canadians are addicted to the weather network. In our neck of the woods we just wait for “The Husband” to start clearing the ice and we all rush to the store for milk and bread.
Today was our first day back after the holidays. I fortunately did not go. I made a trip to Halifax and missed the event. I was under the impression most of the men who always get their man had been shipped off to Vancouver for the Olympics and I was going to have a free speeding pass. Well, I think my little trip corresponded with January quota week. I wasn’t 5k into my 300k trip and I was pulled for speeding. To make matters worse, the trip to and fro was littered with RCMP. I had to put the car in cruise control which prevented from making good time. If you’re wondering, my record is still pristine. Not even a written warning. Just a small slap on the wrist and a “please slow down miss”.
Next week will be a challenge but with the new stick and name band I should be laughing.
Thoughts:
1. It has occurred to me that some of you know me and some know the Terrier but there are not many of you who know us both. So I have taken it upon myself to try and help you out. If you are trying to picture The Terrier think of Maggie Smith in her role as Professor Minerva McGonagall in Harry Potter. For me I would say Chalize Theron. Not as her role in the Monster, more like how you would see her on the red carpet.
2. Did I mention my stick was RED!!!!!!!!!
Cheers
The Pylon
Chapter 7
Friday January 8, 2010
Song of the week: Hit Me with Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar
Pre-game:
Ugg, I am back on the oatmeal and all natural plan yogurt. This is what happens when you partake in all the bacchanalia the season has to offer. When I look in the mirror, that is only big enough to reflect my head and shoulders, I can honestly say my waistline does not seem to have suffered from my reckless eating habits over the past two weeks. The thing I miss the most is the steady stream of refined sugar coursing through the veins. I get to 3pm and I need a nap and caffeine is not helping with the withdrawal.
I didn’t don the skates once over the holidays. I dropped my son off every day for free skate and drove off, back to the sofa and my box of fudge. Feeling safe and content knowing I was not going to terrorize myself on this particular day.
Well, Santa bought me a new high tech composite hockey stick. Since it is a new and improved version of Woody I have decided to call the stick Buzz Light Year. Buzz for short. He is lighter and sticky so if I can’t hold on to the puck at least I can hold on to the stick. Hayley Wickenheiser look out! Also, a friend and reader (Sue and Ted) who were equally concerned about me sullying the family name gave me a new name band with my maiden name for my jersey. Still no jill.
As mentioned in chapter 6, when the river freezes,” The Manager” will make her husband clear a space on the river for a rink. January 1 there he was scrapping and clearing while the Terrier watched from her kitchen window drinking her coffee. The neighbourhood joke about the river rink is whenever he clears the rink the next day there will be a snow storm. Even if he leaves it for weeks and then gets to it on his free time the next day there is a storm. ALWAYS!
It is a widely held view that Canadians are addicted to the weather network. In our neck of the woods we just wait for “The Husband” to start clearing the ice and we all rush to the store for milk and bread.
Today was our first day back after the holidays. I fortunately did not go. I made a trip to Halifax and missed the event. I was under the impression most of the men who always get their man had been shipped off to Vancouver for the Olympics and I was going to have a free speeding pass. Well, I think my little trip corresponded with January quota week. I wasn’t 5k into my 300k trip and I was pulled for speeding. To make matters worse, the trip to and fro was littered with RCMP. I had to put the car in cruise control which prevented from making good time. If you’re wondering, my record is still pristine. Not even a written warning. Just a small slap on the wrist and a “please slow down miss”.
Next week will be a challenge but with the new stick and name band I should be laughing.
Thoughts:
1. It has occurred to me that some of you know me and some know the Terrier but there are not many of you who know us both. So I have taken it upon myself to try and help you out. If you are trying to picture The Terrier think of Maggie Smith in her role as Professor Minerva McGonagall in Harry Potter. For me I would say Chalize Theron. Not as her role in the Monster, more like how you would see her on the red carpet.
2. Did I mention my stick was RED!!!!!!!!!
Cheers
The Pylon
Chapter 6
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 6
Friday December 18, 2009
Song of the week: Beast of Burden by The Stones
Pre-game:
True to my word I arranged time with a trainer. She walked me through that scary section of the gym. You know which one I’m talking about; the area which is populated by strapping young lads who grunt, groan and sling free weights. Now, between all of them is me. Sitting on my little stability ball with my 7.5lbs dumb bells (I’m not sure the 7.5 pounders classify as dumb bells but oh well) trying desperately to strengthen and tone my 42 year old body in the vain hopes it will make a difference on the ice. Time will tell I suspect. Right now the only thing I can say for sure is my “bat wings” (my unused triceps) are screaming. They have been happily attached to my arms for years providing no assistance what so ever and now they are not happy.
I’ve decided to get the party started today by bringing beer to practice. I forgot to pick up the cans yesterday so now I am in a little bit of a pickle because I have to go to the liquor store... this morning. I’m not sure when the store opens but I should go at 11am in order to arrive in time to dress. Either way I play this it is not going to look good. On the one hand the store will be open and I will be getting alcohol at 11am on the other hand, the store is not open and I end up sitting in front of the liquor store, car idling with a few of my new BFF’s, desperate to get their alcohol the minute the store opens. What I am prepared to do in the name of hockey.
We practice in a school rink during school hours but no kids are in the dressing room. I’m not sure if I’m breaking any laws by bringing beer. I will most likely find out though as we have a local police officer on our team. I have actually thought about the advantages of having “The Cop” on our team. For me, I am a bit of a lead foot so it can’t hurt if I make nice, let her get a few goals and pray that it’s her when I get pulled over. Is this wrong?
Well, well, well, the terrier just called and she is not going to practice. EXCELLENT! My ice supremacy begins!
Post-game:
Well, I went to the liquor store and decide I could not bring myself to go in. My Mother taught me the unwritten rules of being a suburban housewife and although those close to me can tell you I play fast and loose with most of them, this particular one, I as of today, remains unbroken.
There were only a few of us at practice today. Tis the season I suppose. We did a lot of new drills, learning how to hop, standing backwards c-cuts, foot over foot around the painted circles. All of these drills proved too difficult for me, coach said he could show me how to do the drills on dry land before I attempt them again. So, I chose my ice time to practice on my snow plough stops. I may be going out on a limb here but I think I am actually mastering the skill. I wouldn’t want to be going at any great speed when I do it for real but I am getting the hang of it.
I left practice early, missing the scrimmage. I have to meet the ladies for lunch (official duties of suburban housewifery) and I just wasn’t up for getting slaughtered by the red team again. Even without the little Scottish terrier they were sure to beat our little rag tag multicolour team.
It looks like we are getting closer to having those pink jerseys, Hooray!
Thoughts:
1. This is the last ice time for the year but the river is starting to freeze and I am sure we will have some outdoor ice time once “The Manager” makes her whipped and overworked husband clear off a sizable ice surface for the ladies.
2. It has taken 6 weeks but I have found my hockey nom de plumb “The pylon”. In the world of hockey, players who are easily out maneuvred are referred to as.... pylons.
Cheers
Merry Christmas
The Pylon
Chapter 6
Friday December 18, 2009
Song of the week: Beast of Burden by The Stones
Pre-game:
True to my word I arranged time with a trainer. She walked me through that scary section of the gym. You know which one I’m talking about; the area which is populated by strapping young lads who grunt, groan and sling free weights. Now, between all of them is me. Sitting on my little stability ball with my 7.5lbs dumb bells (I’m not sure the 7.5 pounders classify as dumb bells but oh well) trying desperately to strengthen and tone my 42 year old body in the vain hopes it will make a difference on the ice. Time will tell I suspect. Right now the only thing I can say for sure is my “bat wings” (my unused triceps) are screaming. They have been happily attached to my arms for years providing no assistance what so ever and now they are not happy.
I’ve decided to get the party started today by bringing beer to practice. I forgot to pick up the cans yesterday so now I am in a little bit of a pickle because I have to go to the liquor store... this morning. I’m not sure when the store opens but I should go at 11am in order to arrive in time to dress. Either way I play this it is not going to look good. On the one hand the store will be open and I will be getting alcohol at 11am on the other hand, the store is not open and I end up sitting in front of the liquor store, car idling with a few of my new BFF’s, desperate to get their alcohol the minute the store opens. What I am prepared to do in the name of hockey.
We practice in a school rink during school hours but no kids are in the dressing room. I’m not sure if I’m breaking any laws by bringing beer. I will most likely find out though as we have a local police officer on our team. I have actually thought about the advantages of having “The Cop” on our team. For me, I am a bit of a lead foot so it can’t hurt if I make nice, let her get a few goals and pray that it’s her when I get pulled over. Is this wrong?
Well, well, well, the terrier just called and she is not going to practice. EXCELLENT! My ice supremacy begins!
Post-game:
Well, I went to the liquor store and decide I could not bring myself to go in. My Mother taught me the unwritten rules of being a suburban housewife and although those close to me can tell you I play fast and loose with most of them, this particular one, I as of today, remains unbroken.
There were only a few of us at practice today. Tis the season I suppose. We did a lot of new drills, learning how to hop, standing backwards c-cuts, foot over foot around the painted circles. All of these drills proved too difficult for me, coach said he could show me how to do the drills on dry land before I attempt them again. So, I chose my ice time to practice on my snow plough stops. I may be going out on a limb here but I think I am actually mastering the skill. I wouldn’t want to be going at any great speed when I do it for real but I am getting the hang of it.
I left practice early, missing the scrimmage. I have to meet the ladies for lunch (official duties of suburban housewifery) and I just wasn’t up for getting slaughtered by the red team again. Even without the little Scottish terrier they were sure to beat our little rag tag multicolour team.
It looks like we are getting closer to having those pink jerseys, Hooray!
Thoughts:
1. This is the last ice time for the year but the river is starting to freeze and I am sure we will have some outdoor ice time once “The Manager” makes her whipped and overworked husband clear off a sizable ice surface for the ladies.
2. It has taken 6 weeks but I have found my hockey nom de plumb “The pylon”. In the world of hockey, players who are easily out maneuvred are referred to as.... pylons.
Cheers
Merry Christmas
The Pylon
Chapter 5
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 5
Friday December 11, 2009
Song of the week: Let Time Go Lightly by Harry Chapin
Pre-game
I’m back from my official duties in Toronto. Although I had a great time, the pearls are back in their case and I am ready to hit the ice (literally). Andrew, being the gentle and caring man that he is, brought my gear in from the car to warm up. Actually he needed the trunk space and his car was beginning to smell.
My gear did come in handy this week. When we got off the plane the car was covered in several inches of snow. Having no scraper we used Woody; my ten dollar ten pound wooden hockey stick. A door crasher special from Canadian Tire. This will likely be the most action the stick will see for the season.
Speaking of Woody, did you know if you are right handed and shoot right handed you have to hold the stick in your left hand? Do you know how hard it is to hold a ten pound hockey stick with a hand and arm that, for the last 20 years, has done nothing but hold a watch and a wedding band?
To make matters worse you just can’t let the stick rest in your hand; you’re expected to hold it at a 45 degree angle from your body and carry/push a puck along with you. It goes without saying the puck has a mind of its own and I can’t keep consistent form. I start with a perfect T-push, arm out and puck in tow. After two strides my wrist is sitting on my hip and the puck is silently mocking me 5 feet away. I don’t even bother to retrieve the puck because it is a whole other series of complex movements which I haven’t been taught.
We have a team name. We are called the “Pickless Chicks”. The team had several names to choose from this got the most votes. Personally, I think the “Ladies of Leisure” has a better ring to it. But as in life those who play left bench don’t get a vote.
Post-game:
The little Scottish terrier had a moment of terror this afternoon. Much to her surprise the red team kicked her off their bench because they had too many players. It appears some ladies have invested in red jerseys over the past few weeks. Un-amused to be getting the boot, she limped over to our team. After some confusion the red team took her back.
The terrier is improving and she knows it. Her sons fixed her helmet which was crushing her temples giving her a headache and making funny red welts on the side of her face. (tee hee) The changes seem to have made a world of difference. @#$%! *%$#! She’s doing fancy snowplough stops and using the boards to move the puck around. I think she’s taking private lessons in her spare time and not telling me.
The team has an hour of ice time. The hour can be divided into three parts. The first 10 minutes is taken up with the coach righting our locker room mistakes. The Terrier of course gets coach to tie her stakes. Some have mixed up their chin and face guard straps. Usually he tucks in my neck guard which is always hanging out and askew. From 12:10pm to 12:40pm we do drills and from 12:40pm to 1pm we scrimmage.
I use the word scrimmage lightly. We actually play something closer to amoeba hockey. The puck floats up and down the ice with 10 players following, hovering and jiggling over it without affecting it in any way. If someone does manage a break away the rest of us can only follow or fall depending on the direction we were facing seconds before.
We only have one goalie and some Fridays she is absent. You would think having no goalies would result in scrimmages with high scores. This is not the case with the Pickless Chicks. Our coach plays referee and net minder for both teams. So, without exaggerating, even in a breakaway scenario, the coach has enough time to skate from wherever he is on the ice to play goalie. I think you get the picture.
Some ladies are talking about organizing a scrimmage with the other local ladies team which has been playing together for 4 years. I think they’re out to lunch!
Thoughts:
1. I have to start getting to the rink 30 minutes before practice starts. I usually get there 15 to 20 minutes before, but it really does take me 30 minutes to put myself together. I suppose if I got the coach to tie my skates like someone else I know I could get there later too.
2. I am considering starting a left sided weight lifting regime to give me an advantage over the Terrier.
3. I think Woody is too short. Every time a go for the puck I miss it.
Chapter 5
Friday December 11, 2009
Song of the week: Let Time Go Lightly by Harry Chapin
Pre-game
I’m back from my official duties in Toronto. Although I had a great time, the pearls are back in their case and I am ready to hit the ice (literally). Andrew, being the gentle and caring man that he is, brought my gear in from the car to warm up. Actually he needed the trunk space and his car was beginning to smell.
My gear did come in handy this week. When we got off the plane the car was covered in several inches of snow. Having no scraper we used Woody; my ten dollar ten pound wooden hockey stick. A door crasher special from Canadian Tire. This will likely be the most action the stick will see for the season.
Speaking of Woody, did you know if you are right handed and shoot right handed you have to hold the stick in your left hand? Do you know how hard it is to hold a ten pound hockey stick with a hand and arm that, for the last 20 years, has done nothing but hold a watch and a wedding band?
To make matters worse you just can’t let the stick rest in your hand; you’re expected to hold it at a 45 degree angle from your body and carry/push a puck along with you. It goes without saying the puck has a mind of its own and I can’t keep consistent form. I start with a perfect T-push, arm out and puck in tow. After two strides my wrist is sitting on my hip and the puck is silently mocking me 5 feet away. I don’t even bother to retrieve the puck because it is a whole other series of complex movements which I haven’t been taught.
We have a team name. We are called the “Pickless Chicks”. The team had several names to choose from this got the most votes. Personally, I think the “Ladies of Leisure” has a better ring to it. But as in life those who play left bench don’t get a vote.
Post-game:
The little Scottish terrier had a moment of terror this afternoon. Much to her surprise the red team kicked her off their bench because they had too many players. It appears some ladies have invested in red jerseys over the past few weeks. Un-amused to be getting the boot, she limped over to our team. After some confusion the red team took her back.
The terrier is improving and she knows it. Her sons fixed her helmet which was crushing her temples giving her a headache and making funny red welts on the side of her face. (tee hee) The changes seem to have made a world of difference. @#$%! *%$#! She’s doing fancy snowplough stops and using the boards to move the puck around. I think she’s taking private lessons in her spare time and not telling me.
The team has an hour of ice time. The hour can be divided into three parts. The first 10 minutes is taken up with the coach righting our locker room mistakes. The Terrier of course gets coach to tie her stakes. Some have mixed up their chin and face guard straps. Usually he tucks in my neck guard which is always hanging out and askew. From 12:10pm to 12:40pm we do drills and from 12:40pm to 1pm we scrimmage.
I use the word scrimmage lightly. We actually play something closer to amoeba hockey. The puck floats up and down the ice with 10 players following, hovering and jiggling over it without affecting it in any way. If someone does manage a break away the rest of us can only follow or fall depending on the direction we were facing seconds before.
We only have one goalie and some Fridays she is absent. You would think having no goalies would result in scrimmages with high scores. This is not the case with the Pickless Chicks. Our coach plays referee and net minder for both teams. So, without exaggerating, even in a breakaway scenario, the coach has enough time to skate from wherever he is on the ice to play goalie. I think you get the picture.
Some ladies are talking about organizing a scrimmage with the other local ladies team which has been playing together for 4 years. I think they’re out to lunch!
Thoughts:
1. I have to start getting to the rink 30 minutes before practice starts. I usually get there 15 to 20 minutes before, but it really does take me 30 minutes to put myself together. I suppose if I got the coach to tie my skates like someone else I know I could get there later too.
2. I am considering starting a left sided weight lifting regime to give me an advantage over the Terrier.
3. I think Woody is too short. Every time a go for the puck I miss it.
Chapter 4
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 4
Wednesday December 2, 2009
Song of the week: Forever Young by Bob Dylan
Pre-game
You’ll notice this chapter is coming to you early. I will be missing Friday’s practice due to a previous commitment.
I spent most of this and last week trying to manipulate the terrier into coming to Toronto with me so we would both miss hockey this Friday. She did not take the bait or should I say bone. I now have only one option open to me which puts me on the ice this week but it is against my better judgement. The dreaded mom and tot skate. It will be just my luck the local Tender Tots Day Care will be having its Christmas skate and all the yummy mommies will be there with their home baked goods, spandex and sweaters, lipstick and gloss but most of all..skates with picks.
Post-game
Let me begin by telling you I did not go for the entire hour. I procrastinated long enough that I got all the laundry done and I seriously considered cleaning the fridge. After I talked myself in and out of going several times I finally made it out the door.
In the parking lot with the trunk open and my hockey bag unzipped I tried to decide what equipment I would need for public skate. The most important thing I needed to do was protect my head and frame from falls. So, skates obviously. Helmet, yes. Elbow pads, yes. Knee pads, definitely. Pants for hips and bottom, yes. Gloves for hands and wrists, yes. Socks (miss matched) to cover up the knee pad. Jersey(no family name) to offset the girth created by the pants. With my shoulder pads left in the car I proceed into the arena.
After several minutes of skating forward and the hour winding down I decided it was a good opportunity to practice skating backwards. Seeing how I have decided to play defence this might be a skill I will be called on to use in the future. I picked up some forward speed and did my little pirouette to transition to backwards then.....
Oh the mind is so willing but sadly the body sometimes does not choose to follow. In my mind I am skating backwards. In reality I’m going nowhere. Checking myself out in the Plexiglas I am hunched over and in a full squat, it kind of looks like I’m trying to take a pee on the ice. Somehow I had expected my forward momentum would help me go backwards but you actually have to move your legs. This is a problem because I don’t have the proper balance to move my legs around, facing backwards on ice-skates. I pitch forwards and my arms start to windmill. I have a 50/50 chance of landing on my knees or rear end.
I ended the hour skating confidently in a forward direction and no civilians were injured.
Thoughts
1. In the future I will have to be more careful about scheduling other activities on Friday. I can’t have the little Scottish terrier getting a leg up.
2. It is my hope the coach will have recovered from his colour-blindness and she’ll be forced to tough it out with the rest of the blue jerseys.
Chapter 4
Wednesday December 2, 2009
Song of the week: Forever Young by Bob Dylan
Pre-game
You’ll notice this chapter is coming to you early. I will be missing Friday’s practice due to a previous commitment.
I spent most of this and last week trying to manipulate the terrier into coming to Toronto with me so we would both miss hockey this Friday. She did not take the bait or should I say bone. I now have only one option open to me which puts me on the ice this week but it is against my better judgement. The dreaded mom and tot skate. It will be just my luck the local Tender Tots Day Care will be having its Christmas skate and all the yummy mommies will be there with their home baked goods, spandex and sweaters, lipstick and gloss but most of all..skates with picks.
Post-game
Let me begin by telling you I did not go for the entire hour. I procrastinated long enough that I got all the laundry done and I seriously considered cleaning the fridge. After I talked myself in and out of going several times I finally made it out the door.
In the parking lot with the trunk open and my hockey bag unzipped I tried to decide what equipment I would need for public skate. The most important thing I needed to do was protect my head and frame from falls. So, skates obviously. Helmet, yes. Elbow pads, yes. Knee pads, definitely. Pants for hips and bottom, yes. Gloves for hands and wrists, yes. Socks (miss matched) to cover up the knee pad. Jersey(no family name) to offset the girth created by the pants. With my shoulder pads left in the car I proceed into the arena.
After several minutes of skating forward and the hour winding down I decided it was a good opportunity to practice skating backwards. Seeing how I have decided to play defence this might be a skill I will be called on to use in the future. I picked up some forward speed and did my little pirouette to transition to backwards then.....
Oh the mind is so willing but sadly the body sometimes does not choose to follow. In my mind I am skating backwards. In reality I’m going nowhere. Checking myself out in the Plexiglas I am hunched over and in a full squat, it kind of looks like I’m trying to take a pee on the ice. Somehow I had expected my forward momentum would help me go backwards but you actually have to move your legs. This is a problem because I don’t have the proper balance to move my legs around, facing backwards on ice-skates. I pitch forwards and my arms start to windmill. I have a 50/50 chance of landing on my knees or rear end.
I ended the hour skating confidently in a forward direction and no civilians were injured.
Thoughts
1. In the future I will have to be more careful about scheduling other activities on Friday. I can’t have the little Scottish terrier getting a leg up.
2. It is my hope the coach will have recovered from his colour-blindness and she’ll be forced to tough it out with the rest of the blue jerseys.
Chapter 3
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 3
Friday November 27, 2009
Song of the week: Beat It by Michael Jackson
Pre-game
With BFF sick with “The Swine” this week I thought it was a good time to miss hockey and skip off to Halifax. But the old girl rallied and I’m forced back on the program. I went to 6am spin class. I have decided to do this because I have yet to get a cardio workout from holding onto the boards during practice. I’m also not sure where I am going to end up after hockey (translation – emergency room) so my goal is to get the early AM spin in and then the day can go to pot from there.
There are some things that have remained the same since last week and since I have yet to change them they will be a given. I will not bring them up again unless they change.
1. My gear remains in the trunk from week to week.
2. I have no jill. Until we get better and that area is threatened I have no need, taping the socks to my legs is doing the trick.
3. I am poorly skilled at this game and have refused, much to Andrew chagrin, to partake in the weekly skates available to me.
4. BFF would like to be referred to as Jacques Lemmaire on game day but I have decided I will from now on refer to her as the little Scottish terrier or the terrier (thanks Anne). It has a better ring to it.
When I told my family I was going to join this team they were happy for me once they stopped laughing. There was one thing my youngest and the only hockey player in the family told me I was not to do if I was going to play. DO NOT WEAR ANYTHING OR HAVE ANYTHING PINK!!!!! I heeded the warning, but I wasn’t that put out as pink is not in my colour wheel.
So my dilemma is this - A team mate has sourced out a sponsor for jerseys and matching socks in, you guessed it, PINK. There’s not much I can do. The little guy will have to come to terms with the reality his mother plays left bench and looks like a bottle of Pepto Bismol. I’ll help him find a good therapist when he gets older.
Post-game
This is the team’s 4th week at the game and my 3rd. It is amazing how we all seem to forget how to dress from week to week. Some girls are independent but some of us need serious help. One of us (the terrier) even needed the coach to tie her skates the first week because she put all her gear on and couldn’t bend over to reach the skates. She has also been wearing her jill backwards (Sorry I couldn’t resist, you’re better than me and competitive frustration will find an outlet).
Drills are getting better I think we are all getting a little more confident on our skates. We had a scrimmage to end practice. I think the terrier put a spell on coach because she somehow made it onto the red team with her blue jersey. Despite all her efforts we were still winning 5 to 2. However, at the end of the hour the coach yells “last goal wins!” The red team won.
“The Manager” thinks it would be a good idea for us to have team and individual pictures taken. I will refrain from giving my opinion on the subject but if anyone would like to have a copy of the terrier’s rookie card let me know I’m taking orders.
Thoughts:
1. It’s weird; I don’t seem to mind the smell of my gear anymore.
2. The little Scottish terrier got the winning goal for the Red team. In her blue jersey.
Chapter 3
Friday November 27, 2009
Song of the week: Beat It by Michael Jackson
Pre-game
With BFF sick with “The Swine” this week I thought it was a good time to miss hockey and skip off to Halifax. But the old girl rallied and I’m forced back on the program. I went to 6am spin class. I have decided to do this because I have yet to get a cardio workout from holding onto the boards during practice. I’m also not sure where I am going to end up after hockey (translation – emergency room) so my goal is to get the early AM spin in and then the day can go to pot from there.
There are some things that have remained the same since last week and since I have yet to change them they will be a given. I will not bring them up again unless they change.
1. My gear remains in the trunk from week to week.
2. I have no jill. Until we get better and that area is threatened I have no need, taping the socks to my legs is doing the trick.
3. I am poorly skilled at this game and have refused, much to Andrew chagrin, to partake in the weekly skates available to me.
4. BFF would like to be referred to as Jacques Lemmaire on game day but I have decided I will from now on refer to her as the little Scottish terrier or the terrier (thanks Anne). It has a better ring to it.
When I told my family I was going to join this team they were happy for me once they stopped laughing. There was one thing my youngest and the only hockey player in the family told me I was not to do if I was going to play. DO NOT WEAR ANYTHING OR HAVE ANYTHING PINK!!!!! I heeded the warning, but I wasn’t that put out as pink is not in my colour wheel.
So my dilemma is this - A team mate has sourced out a sponsor for jerseys and matching socks in, you guessed it, PINK. There’s not much I can do. The little guy will have to come to terms with the reality his mother plays left bench and looks like a bottle of Pepto Bismol. I’ll help him find a good therapist when he gets older.
Post-game
This is the team’s 4th week at the game and my 3rd. It is amazing how we all seem to forget how to dress from week to week. Some girls are independent but some of us need serious help. One of us (the terrier) even needed the coach to tie her skates the first week because she put all her gear on and couldn’t bend over to reach the skates. She has also been wearing her jill backwards (Sorry I couldn’t resist, you’re better than me and competitive frustration will find an outlet).
Drills are getting better I think we are all getting a little more confident on our skates. We had a scrimmage to end practice. I think the terrier put a spell on coach because she somehow made it onto the red team with her blue jersey. Despite all her efforts we were still winning 5 to 2. However, at the end of the hour the coach yells “last goal wins!” The red team won.
“The Manager” thinks it would be a good idea for us to have team and individual pictures taken. I will refrain from giving my opinion on the subject but if anyone would like to have a copy of the terrier’s rookie card let me know I’m taking orders.
Thoughts:
1. It’s weird; I don’t seem to mind the smell of my gear anymore.
2. The little Scottish terrier got the winning goal for the Red team. In her blue jersey.
Chapter 2
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 2
Friday November 20, 2009
Song of the Week: Let me in Coach by CCR
Pre-game
As I prepare mentally for my second ice time in 30 years I am feeling very nervous, it’s a different nervousness than my initial go at hockey because now I fully appreciate how bad I am. I have also missed the team’s second practice due to my Costa Rican vacation last week. I have been told I missed how to skate corners by placing foot over foot. I thought briefly yesterday about taking in the free mom and tot skate at the local arena but dismissed it, not wanting to humiliate myself in front of a new batch of people. So I will reap what I sow and slog through as best I can.
I have decided to wear a jersey that does not have our family name on it as not to embarrass my son. I still do not have a jill so I have to tape my missed matched socks to my legs. I have cut off the excess plastic on my mouth guard so I don’t feel like I am having a filling at the dentist. Oh yah, I left my gear in the trunk of the car for the past two weeks, I wonder if that was such a good idea. I hope the player to be named later is as bad as I am.
Post-game
Athleticism has no bearing on whether you will be a competent hockey player; it means you won’t collapse of heart failure. As expected missing a week has weakened my performance. I have a feeling the coach has decided there is no hope for me and has left me to the wolves, spending all his time with the more talented beautiful Rooothesaaay mothers who have matching outfits.
During skills we learned to do hour glasses and T-pushes. We tried our best at shooting into an empty net. We ended the hour with a pickup game. Red jersey’s against every other colour. My BFF has a light blue jersey but tried to assimilate herself on the red team’s bench. She was quickly kicked out. The red team has all the talent, the multi colours are riff raff. We started off badly with a quick goal from the red team but we managed a respectable 2-1 loss when the last whistle blew.
I have taken the position of defence which seemed within my skill range and BFF opted for forward. This might not be where she ends up, I just sayin. At one point in the game a saw BFF’s pink stick but no BFF. I canvassed the ice and found her 10 feet away from her stick laying “corpse pose” in front our team’s bench. BFF and I ended the day with lunch.
Thoughts:
· I have a rash from son’s old gear.
· BFF is better than me. That will have to change.
· I think I’ll invest in a red jersey.
Chapter 2
Friday November 20, 2009
Song of the Week: Let me in Coach by CCR
Pre-game
As I prepare mentally for my second ice time in 30 years I am feeling very nervous, it’s a different nervousness than my initial go at hockey because now I fully appreciate how bad I am. I have also missed the team’s second practice due to my Costa Rican vacation last week. I have been told I missed how to skate corners by placing foot over foot. I thought briefly yesterday about taking in the free mom and tot skate at the local arena but dismissed it, not wanting to humiliate myself in front of a new batch of people. So I will reap what I sow and slog through as best I can.
I have decided to wear a jersey that does not have our family name on it as not to embarrass my son. I still do not have a jill so I have to tape my missed matched socks to my legs. I have cut off the excess plastic on my mouth guard so I don’t feel like I am having a filling at the dentist. Oh yah, I left my gear in the trunk of the car for the past two weeks, I wonder if that was such a good idea. I hope the player to be named later is as bad as I am.
Post-game
Athleticism has no bearing on whether you will be a competent hockey player; it means you won’t collapse of heart failure. As expected missing a week has weakened my performance. I have a feeling the coach has decided there is no hope for me and has left me to the wolves, spending all his time with the more talented beautiful Rooothesaaay mothers who have matching outfits.
During skills we learned to do hour glasses and T-pushes. We tried our best at shooting into an empty net. We ended the hour with a pickup game. Red jersey’s against every other colour. My BFF has a light blue jersey but tried to assimilate herself on the red team’s bench. She was quickly kicked out. The red team has all the talent, the multi colours are riff raff. We started off badly with a quick goal from the red team but we managed a respectable 2-1 loss when the last whistle blew.
I have taken the position of defence which seemed within my skill range and BFF opted for forward. This might not be where she ends up, I just sayin. At one point in the game a saw BFF’s pink stick but no BFF. I canvassed the ice and found her 10 feet away from her stick laying “corpse pose” in front our team’s bench. BFF and I ended the day with lunch.
Thoughts:
· I have a rash from son’s old gear.
· BFF is better than me. That will have to change.
· I think I’ll invest in a red jersey.
Chapter 1
The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 1
Friday November 6, 2009
Song of the week: Beautiful Day by U2
Pre-game
Okay I have just finished taping my hockey stick, woody. I think I did a respectable job. If your wondering what I'm talking about well. I joined a ladies hockey team! Yes I know I haven't skated in 30 years and I've never skated on boys skates but these are minor details. I'm on the ice at noon. I'll let you know how it goes. BTW @#!@#$ is on the team; I'm wondering if I can accidently on purpose slam her into the boards? Tee Hee Hee
Post-game
I'm alive. No major bruises but I think I landed wrong the first time I went down and took the wind out of me. Second time I went down I did better. By the third fall I think I have the move down. Not a whole lots of laughs the first time out as we were all concentrating too much.
The team can be divided into three groups. 1 - Okay but not WNHL material. About 5 girls qualify. 2 - The middle ground, some skating skills no hockey experience, about 10-12 fall into this category. 3- Holy crap, they're gonna hurt themselves bunch, which is where I find myself. There are about 5 of us. It's rather humiliating and humbling because I am athletic but this is a whole other kettle of fish.
Thoughts:
My youngest is a great little hockey player, this is not easy.
The gear isn't as cumbersome as I thought it would be. It's actually nice to have when you’re hitting the ice.
The skates are great my feet don't hurt but I miss not having picks.
Mouth guards are hard to skate with.
My used gear STINKS!!!!
This was the first time a spent a whole hour at the RNS rink that I wasn't the least bit cold.
My BFF chickened out. She sends me in on recon and then comes in when the lay of the land has been studied.
Chapter 1
Friday November 6, 2009
Song of the week: Beautiful Day by U2
Pre-game
Okay I have just finished taping my hockey stick, woody. I think I did a respectable job. If your wondering what I'm talking about well. I joined a ladies hockey team! Yes I know I haven't skated in 30 years and I've never skated on boys skates but these are minor details. I'm on the ice at noon. I'll let you know how it goes. BTW @#!@#$ is on the team; I'm wondering if I can accidently on purpose slam her into the boards? Tee Hee Hee
Post-game
I'm alive. No major bruises but I think I landed wrong the first time I went down and took the wind out of me. Second time I went down I did better. By the third fall I think I have the move down. Not a whole lots of laughs the first time out as we were all concentrating too much.
The team can be divided into three groups. 1 - Okay but not WNHL material. About 5 girls qualify. 2 - The middle ground, some skating skills no hockey experience, about 10-12 fall into this category. 3- Holy crap, they're gonna hurt themselves bunch, which is where I find myself. There are about 5 of us. It's rather humiliating and humbling because I am athletic but this is a whole other kettle of fish.
Thoughts:
My youngest is a great little hockey player, this is not easy.
The gear isn't as cumbersome as I thought it would be. It's actually nice to have when you’re hitting the ice.
The skates are great my feet don't hurt but I miss not having picks.
Mouth guards are hard to skate with.
My used gear STINKS!!!!
This was the first time a spent a whole hour at the RNS rink that I wasn't the least bit cold.
My BFF chickened out. She sends me in on recon and then comes in when the lay of the land has been studied.
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