Chapter 4

The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 4
Wednesday December 2, 2009
Song of the week: Forever Young by Bob Dylan
Pre-game
You’ll notice this chapter is coming to you early. I will be missing Friday’s practice due to a previous commitment.
I spent most of this and last week trying to manipulate the terrier into coming to Toronto with me so we would both miss hockey this Friday. She did not take the bait or should I say bone. I now have only one option open to me which puts me on the ice this week but it is against my better judgement. The dreaded mom and tot skate. It will be just my luck the local Tender Tots Day Care will be having its Christmas skate and all the yummy mommies will be there with their home baked goods, spandex and sweaters, lipstick and gloss but most of all..skates with picks.
Post-game
Let me begin by telling you I did not go for the entire hour. I procrastinated long enough that I got all the laundry done and I seriously considered cleaning the fridge. After I talked myself in and out of going several times I finally made it out the door.
In the parking lot with the trunk open and my hockey bag unzipped I tried to decide what equipment I would need for public skate. The most important thing I needed to do was protect my head and frame from falls. So, skates obviously. Helmet, yes. Elbow pads, yes. Knee pads, definitely. Pants for hips and bottom, yes. Gloves for hands and wrists, yes. Socks (miss matched) to cover up the knee pad. Jersey(no family name) to offset the girth created by the pants. With my shoulder pads left in the car I proceed into the arena.
After several minutes of skating forward and the hour winding down I decided it was a good opportunity to practice skating backwards. Seeing how I have decided to play defence this might be a skill I will be called on to use in the future. I picked up some forward speed and did my little pirouette to transition to backwards then.....
Oh the mind is so willing but sadly the body sometimes does not choose to follow. In my mind I am skating backwards. In reality I’m going nowhere. Checking myself out in the Plexiglas I am hunched over and in a full squat, it kind of looks like I’m trying to take a pee on the ice. Somehow I had expected my forward momentum would help me go backwards but you actually have to move your legs. This is a problem because I don’t have the proper balance to move my legs around, facing backwards on ice-skates. I pitch forwards and my arms start to windmill. I have a 50/50 chance of landing on my knees or rear end.
I ended the hour skating confidently in a forward direction and no civilians were injured.
Thoughts
1. In the future I will have to be more careful about scheduling other activities on Friday. I can’t have the little Scottish terrier getting a leg up.
2. It is my hope the coach will have recovered from his colour-blindness and she’ll be forced to tough it out with the rest of the blue jerseys.