Chapter 11

The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 11
Friday February 5, 2010
Song of the week: Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

Pre-game:

Well. Well. Well. Here we are back at Friday. It has been so cold this week I can’t imagine how cold my gear is going to be when I put it on, or how cold the rink is going to be. I have to admit something to you. I’m a sugar plum. There I’ve said it and I am not equipped for these conditions. I should be under some palm fronds being waited on by Enrique Suavé. How did I ever land here?

I have been secretly studying hockey players on TV as well as when I go to games. What do they have that I don’t have? What do they do that I need to do? Why are they having fun? What am I missing???? I told myself today I was going to be brave. I was going to tackle this sport like I have other sports; lots of aggression and no fear. I realize I can’t do the drills unless I have speed. If I fall. I fall. Suck it up princess. Today is the day.

Today is the day we get our jerseys. The anticipation is killing me.

Post-game:

The jerseys are worse than anticipated. The socks are light pink and the jerseys are Pepto pink. I suggested our theme song when coming onto the ice during scrimmages should be “Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea!” I also suggested we practice the Pepto dance during ice time. I was disappointed to have no takers. I commented on the fact the jerseys were wide and short and were they possibly a Friday afternoon special bought from the back of a truck? Sarge thought they were nice and that I should have a bit more team spirit. Blah, Blah.

I was my usual 10 minutes late for drills. It doesn’t seem to bother coach, he just starts without me. I did my best to do better. I went faster, I bent lower, I flex my ankles more, my glides were longer, my stick was in the palm of my hand, I talk myself around every corner “okay loser skate, skate, speed, speed, head up, stop looking at the ice, when you turn lead with the chin, lean into the turn, ah man, where’s my G.D. puck?”

The arrival of the jerseys means an end to the red team’s dominion. It also means more concentration during the scrimmage because we are all dressed alike. I chose the team with the least amount of players. With this new attitude I was sporting I figured I would get a bit more ice time. I chance to hone my skills.

We “change on the fly” so I usually get a chance to do all the positions by the end of the game. But I always start in the defence position. Today my wing man was “Lacrosse” I call her that because she plays lacrosse and she is our best player. I was hoping she would be able to get everything I missed.

Not 30 second into the game the puck lands deep into our end and on my side. Lacrosse yells for me to get it. Reluctantly, I go after it and just before I get to it someone jams me into the boards!! As I was sliding, slow motion, down the side of the boards with one knee bent and the other outstretched, stick between my legs. I waited. Waited but it never came. No “sorry”. No “oops”. No “are you alright?” She did it deliberately! As she was skating off with my puck I took note... #11. Little missy gets a new jersey and now she thinks she’s pro. OKAY. IT’S ON. THE GLOVES ARE COMIN’ OFF. Who is # 11? Our names aren’t on the jerseys yet so I’ll have to remember the number and wait for my opportunity.

During my next rotation I played forward. I had a breakaway that came to nothing, but at the end of my shift I dug one out of their corner and passed it to the centre of the crease and my team mate put it in. Yes, I got an assist!!!! Coach said I made an awesome pass!

My opportunity to get back at #11 came late in the scrimmage. The puck was sliding down the ice and she was going for it. I threw fear out the window. I skated with determination, arms and legs and stick going in all directions. She got the puck first but she didn’t have it for long after I side swiped her. We both kinda skidded across the ice coming to a stop after doing a 180. As I was picking myself up I realized the person I landed on was # 44.
Sorry Sarge.

Thoughts:
1. Today was the first day I manage to break a sweat. The times are a changing’
2. The Little Scottish Terrier did not make an appearance today.