Chapter 15

The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 15
Friday March 26, 2010

Song of the week: Celebrate Good Times by Cool and The Gang

Pre-game:
What a glorious day today is. The temperature has plummeted to -12, it’s snowing for the first time in 3 weeks and the wind is blowing. Could there be a better day for MY LAST DAY OF HOCKEY? I say no. Bring it on!!!!!!!!

It has been a bit of a slog to get through this season. It’s had its ups and downs. I ditched The Terrier a few times and she ditched me. Both of us have taken some hits and had our falls. The Terrier got her goals and I got none, she laughed at me and me at her, she cursed me for getting her involved and I learned to duck and praise the strength of my equipment when she came after me. But the good news is The Little Scottish Terrier and I are still talking.

As I think back to the day Sarge caught me off guard and asked me to join the team, I’m not sure what possessed me to say yes. After the first practice I’m sure the Sarge was asking what possessed her to ask me. She’ll probably have tryouts next year to avoid the likes of me and my elk.

I can’t, with all honesty, say I have improved. As most would attest, every Friday I am a repeat beginner.

I have hockey Alzheimer’s.

Post-game:
As I began to dress and other players started rolling in I notice the empty spot where The Terrier should be. I didn’t check-in to see if she was coming so I fear the worst. Could she ditch the last day? The simple answer is yes.

Without the Terrier and a few other missing players we decide to start practice. The prevailing thought was to head right into a scrimmage. What good would a drill be at this stage of the game?

In typical school yard fashion two teams were to be picked by the Captain (Sarge) and the Assistant Captain (Side Kick) respectively. GREAT I feel like I’m twelve.

You know how this goes; each Captain begins with claiming the top players. To my great surprise I was not chosen in the first round or the second, or the third. They looked at me and I know they know my name. In the fifth round the Assistant almost said my name when it was her pick, but she choked on the words before they were fully out and she managed to claim a different player. Sarge claimed me in the next round.

All things considered a sixth round draft pick is not so bad.

I am relieved The Terrier wasn’t there to enjoy my humiliation and the knowledge that there were only six rounds.

For the most part we have figured out offside, we have not figured out icing. Most of us get nervous with the puck and when we do make contact, our initial reaction is to try and get the puck away as fast and as far as possible. The coach does not call it so we end up going up and down the ice. First one way then the other and so on and so forth. After a particularly gruelling shift of back and forth, I make it back to the bench and look up at the clock to see how much more time I have to suffer. 12:15pm!!!!! 45 minutes left? Are you kidding? This is what happens when you have no drills.

At 12:17pm I see a straggler come out of the dressing room and start walking around the arena to our bench. Could it be? Yes, the laggard is none other than The Terrier. I reminded her practice starts at 12pm and has all season and then I ducked. Because of her tardiness she is forced to be on my team. I suppose this is a fitting end for us.

There were quite a few people in the bleaches for our last game; a few husbands some girlfriends and The Terriers Mom and Dad. You know, you’re never too old to have your parents come and cheer you on.

Both teams played well and another fitting end to the season; a 5-5 tie.

In the dressing room I was informed that any player entering I.P. (initial period) hockey is required to participate for two years before being allowed to quit.

I guess this means I’ll be writing to you next year.

Thoughts:
1. All’s well that ends well
2. I brought beer for the dressing room.
Cheers
The Pylon