Season II Chapter 1

The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Season II
Chapter 1
Friday October 15, 2010

Pre-game:
I knew at the end of last season this day would come.

The emails from Sarge started to appear in my inbox just as I was enjoying the last gasp of summer frivolity. They started off subtly by asking if I was interested in joining the team again. These ones were easy to ignore. Then they became a little more directed; she was putting the team roster together and WAS I STILL INTERSTED and WOULD I PLEASE RESPOND TO THE EMAIL!!! To my surprise I even managed to ignore that one. Then she emailed my agent (aka the husband). Busted! I had to make a decision.

The Little Scottish Terrier was away so I could not consult her on whether I should, she should or we should join the Pickless Chicks for a second season. After some thought I emailed Sarge and let her know I was coming back for a second season and The Terrier was away but I had heard from her and she wanted to join too. I told The Terrier what I had done when she came back from vacation. I haven’t let her get close enough for her to land a punch, but payback is coming I can feel it.

Yesterday I went on a hunting expedition...in my basement. I was on the hunt for my hockey equipment. After our last practice in the spring I threw my bag in the basement and left it there. I found the bag where and how I left it, hauled it upstairs and outside. With a plugged nose and a quick zip I dumped the gear on the deck. GROSS! Surprise, surprise, It still smells and some pieces have grey/green fuzzy stuff on it. The stuff I could wash I threw in the machine, the rest I wiped down and left outside for the day. The last task, get the skates sharpened.

Post-game:
I hate to admit it but I was delusional thinking this year would be different or at least start out differently. I woke thinking all I had to do was pack up the aired gear, get to the rink on time, give Sarge my money and hope everything I had learned last year would come naturally this year.

Sadly, I am unable to get out of my one way when it comes to hockey. The day started out according to plan. It began with my pre hockey mental prep of coffee, coffee and coffee. As the time neared I started putting my bag together, getting the stuff out of the dryer, collecting all the stuff I had thrown in the hallway the night before( I didn’t remember to bring it inside until later in the night. It was a damp so I just chucked it in the hall). It wasn’t until I had one foot out the door I realized I was missing a piece of equipment....my helmet. Where was my helmet? I went through my bag. I looked outside. I looked in the corner of the basement. No helmet. I do believe my youngest and most precious child has made off with my helmet!

Question - How do you turn the Little Scottish Terrier into a cur in one easy step?
Answer - Don’t show up for the first practice.

I decided I should go to the rink explain to the Terrier and pay my bill. As I was explaining, Sarge offered me the use of her son’s helmet. I just had to go to her home and retrieve it. So, off I trot, it is now 11:55am. I am back in the dressing room by 12:05pm. Everyone was now on the ice with the exception of the Terrier and one other player. As I was putting my gear on I was faced with more dilemmas. I only packed one shin guard and the helmet I was using was 2 sizes too big. I looked at my side kick for some advice. I think the Little Scottish Terrier is not going to let me off the hook for enrolling her in hockey for a second year without her consent. She flashed me “the Look” The one that lets you know she is discommoded and you are to blame. I could expect no help from her. It was 12:18pm by the time I got myself, with one missing shin guard and a wobbly helmet, on the ice.

There are a few minor changes to our team from last year. We have lost a few players and they have been replaced with new ones and as crazy as it sounds Sarge has informed us there is now a waiting list of players hoping to join the team. Hopefully the ones she handpicked for the few open spots are the most talented of the bunch.

We have a new coach, he seems okay, he sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. He has experience coaching women. But sadly, for the Terrier, he does not tie skates. Ha Ha. We only did drills today, no scrimmage which was good news for my unprotected shin.

Although I couldn’t see much today due to the fact my borrowed helmet kept falling down over my eyes and resting on the bridge of my nose, I think we look like the same team as last year...bad.

To give you an example of why most of us should not be doing this, today as Coach was explaining a drill we were all facing him listening and all of a sudden we all hear a titanic crash. We all turn and there was a player lying face up on the ice. No one bumped into her. She just fell. Both legs went up and she came crashing down on the ice. Coach said that’s what’s called “hitting a land mine”.

Thoughts:
1. Find my helmet.
2. Pack my other shin guard.
3. Try not to hit any land mines.

Cheers
The Pylon