Chapter 4

The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Season II
Chapter 4
Friday November 12, 2010

Pre-game: This week has been a horse of a different colour. Exactly one year ago I became a full fledged “Lady of Leisure” I finished a contract and decided to learn how to skate and play hockey and not pound the pavement for another job.

Don’t get me wrong, technically, since I’ve been a tender teenager I’ve been a kept woman, but every once in a while my rocket man (this is his true name. I’ve tried others names this past year, husband, agent etc., but this just fits and rolls off the tongue. So from now on he who is husband will be referred to as Rocket Man) and I pretend that I’m a working woman. So for years I’ve struggled and staggered down the snakes and up the ladders of balancing a travelling Rocket Man, raising children and forays into the workforce.

Long story short, I start work on Monday!!!! A new job for the Pylon.!!!!!

Accepting this job was difficult.

For the past year Rocket Man has brought me coffee in bed every morning he has been in town as well driving the last remaining child to school. The biggest job I’ve has since stopping work is keeping up with my two BFF’s, AKA - The Little Scottish Terrier and The Great Dane. I’ve never mentioned The Great Dane before but she has been in the background. Between the two of them I have been dragged from here to there at their whim. I call it Camp BFF. When Rocket Man comes home and I am half passed out on the sofa with no dinner in sight and asks “what have you done all day?” I say “Camp BFF”. His response is usually “Should we get take out?”

So when I accepted this job I had to sit the Rocket Man, the Last Remaining Child AND The Terrier and The Great Dane down for a heart to heart. “I’m going back to work. I start Monday” I told them all. Below are their unspoken thoughts.

Rocket Man:
Jubilation.
I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I still won’t have dinner on the table when I get home after a 13 hour work day. The laundry will still be climbing up the basement stairs, I won’t have a lovingly made lunch or milk for my morning cereal and I will have to drive the last remaining to school every morning. The good new s is the Pylon will have to get the hell out of bed and I won’t have to deliver her coffee every morning with refills before I leave.

The Last Remaining:
Can I have the car?
The last remaining has just turned 16 and he is pushing for me to get a new car and leave him “The Hornet” A vintage green Toyota Echo. Vintage because they don’t make echo’s anymore. This will never happen but he is persistent.
When I stopped working last year I decided I had the time and energy to start cooking vegetarian as well as vegan. To a 16 year old male the word vegan can be a four letter + one word. Every grocery day for the first few weeks he hid my vegan cook book in protest. When I told him I was going back to work and that I was dusting off my slow cooker all he said was “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” I’m not sure if I should interpret this as he is happy to be vegan or is vegan the lesser of two evils???????

The Great Dane:
I am prepared to give you two weeks to figure out how this is not going to affect me.

The Little Scottish Terrier:
This is not going to affect me because this is what you are going to do and this is when I want you present and I don’t want to hear another word!!! Don’t make me hurt you because I’m not taking you to the emerg.

I start Monday. I’ll let you know how it turns out for all five of us.

Post-game:
The Terrier and I did our 2 hour gym work out prior to hockey. 15 minutes into the 2nd hour she sends me her lopsided grin, which I read to say “Honey this is your last weekend as a Lady o’ Leisure we are not going to hockey, we are going to drink wine. This is your first weekend as a Weekend Warrior” I accepted with a nod.

Here is where I invoke the Code of the road rule. The rest is history and cannot be mentioned. Let’s just say the Terrier and the Great Dane have sent me off to the working world with a hangover!!!!!!

They’re so good to me.

Thoughts:
1. I hope working will make me be grateful for hockey more than I am now.
2. All Hale “The Weekend Warrior”
Cheers
The Pylon