Chapter 6

The Suburban House Wife Hockey Chronicles
Chapter 6
Friday December 18, 2009

Song of the week: Beast of Burden by The Stones

Pre-game:
True to my word I arranged time with a trainer. She walked me through that scary section of the gym. You know which one I’m talking about; the area which is populated by strapping young lads who grunt, groan and sling free weights. Now, between all of them is me. Sitting on my little stability ball with my 7.5lbs dumb bells (I’m not sure the 7.5 pounders classify as dumb bells but oh well) trying desperately to strengthen and tone my 42 year old body in the vain hopes it will make a difference on the ice. Time will tell I suspect. Right now the only thing I can say for sure is my “bat wings” (my unused triceps) are screaming. They have been happily attached to my arms for years providing no assistance what so ever and now they are not happy.

I’ve decided to get the party started today by bringing beer to practice. I forgot to pick up the cans yesterday so now I am in a little bit of a pickle because I have to go to the liquor store... this morning. I’m not sure when the store opens but I should go at 11am in order to arrive in time to dress. Either way I play this it is not going to look good. On the one hand the store will be open and I will be getting alcohol at 11am on the other hand, the store is not open and I end up sitting in front of the liquor store, car idling with a few of my new BFF’s, desperate to get their alcohol the minute the store opens. What I am prepared to do in the name of hockey.

We practice in a school rink during school hours but no kids are in the dressing room. I’m not sure if I’m breaking any laws by bringing beer. I will most likely find out though as we have a local police officer on our team. I have actually thought about the advantages of having “The Cop” on our team. For me, I am a bit of a lead foot so it can’t hurt if I make nice, let her get a few goals and pray that it’s her when I get pulled over. Is this wrong?

Well, well, well, the terrier just called and she is not going to practice. EXCELLENT! My ice supremacy begins!

Post-game:
Well, I went to the liquor store and decide I could not bring myself to go in. My Mother taught me the unwritten rules of being a suburban housewife and although those close to me can tell you I play fast and loose with most of them, this particular one, I as of today, remains unbroken.

There were only a few of us at practice today. Tis the season I suppose. We did a lot of new drills, learning how to hop, standing backwards c-cuts, foot over foot around the painted circles. All of these drills proved too difficult for me, coach said he could show me how to do the drills on dry land before I attempt them again. So, I chose my ice time to practice on my snow plough stops. I may be going out on a limb here but I think I am actually mastering the skill. I wouldn’t want to be going at any great speed when I do it for real but I am getting the hang of it.

I left practice early, missing the scrimmage. I have to meet the ladies for lunch (official duties of suburban housewifery) and I just wasn’t up for getting slaughtered by the red team again. Even without the little Scottish terrier they were sure to beat our little rag tag multicolour team.
It looks like we are getting closer to having those pink jerseys, Hooray!

Thoughts:
1. This is the last ice time for the year but the river is starting to freeze and I am sure we will have some outdoor ice time once “The Manager” makes her whipped and overworked husband clear off a sizable ice surface for the ladies.
2. It has taken 6 weeks but I have found my hockey nom de plumb “The pylon”. In the world of hockey, players who are easily out maneuvred are referred to as.... pylons.

Cheers
Merry Christmas
The Pylon